


Coming Over

by sinemoras09



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Break Up, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 03:03:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12878817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09
Summary: Princess Carolyn processes her grief. Spoilers for Bojack Horseman Season 4 episode 9.





	Coming Over

He failed the fucking test. 

"Tell it to your next girlfriend," Princess Carolyn told him, and what Ralph was supposed to do was throw his arms around her and tell her he didn't want another girlfriend. He was supposed to realize her world was falling apart and that she was hurting and grieving. He was supposed to shield her with his body as the walls began to cave in.

But no, he fucking failed. Didn't even put up a fight. A real man would have at least called her a few names, not just looked at her resigned and defeated, as if she unilaterally dumped him instead of throwing out a barb and hoping he was smart enough to call her on her bluff.

Sushi and alcohol were the salve to solve these things.

 

******

 

"I need someone to drive me," Princess Carolyn said.

"Okay Princess Carolyn!" Todd said.

They called it a D & E. It was the same procedure you got when you had an abortion.

The fucking whale corrected her: "Well it's not entirely the same. Your baby died inside you."

Princess Carolyn sighed loudly.

"So what do you need me to drive you for?" Todd asked. 

"They're vacuuming out the dead fetus from my uterus," Princess Carolyn said. She crossed her arms. Outside, she counted the telephone poles passing by the road. "Did you know they had to stick a sponge up my cervix? It hurts like a mother. They did it so it could be dilated before the procedure."

"Heh heh. Sponges." Todd made a turn.

She had planned to spend the day after the procedure soaking in vicodin and liquor, but the doctors prescribed her extra-strength motrin. "You can take it with alcohol if you want to vomit blood later," the doctor told her.

"Fish," Princess Carolyn said.

 

*****

 

"Princess Carolyn!" Rutabaga said. Princess Carolyn lifted up her hand.

"Not right now. I'm not in the mood."

"When are you ever in the mood?" Rutabaga said. Princess Carolyn glared at him. "I'm joking I'm joking! You look fantastic. Why else would you be drinking a martini in the morning? Anyone can tell you're celebrating!"

"Oh just fish off, Rutabaga." 

"You know, if you improved your attitude you might be able to keep a man." Rutabaga winked. His phone vibrated. "Gotta take this, got an important call!"

"I hope it gets disconnected," Princess Carolyn said.

 

*****

 

Her apartment was a mess.

Todd helped clean, because the clowns were his fault and also because he was nice and apologetic. She lay on the couch, contemplating another martini while Todd swept up the pieces of old popped balloons and confetti paper, collecting them in tiny little piles before dumping them into plastic bags.

Because Ralph was a shithead, he had already mailed her all her clothes. "Didn't even give me the dignity to get my stuff myself," Princess Carolyn said. "How inconsiderate! Can you believe it?"

"Maybe he didn't want to bother you," Todd said.

"Maybe he's a mouse without a backbone. It's fucking indecent."

"Princess Carolyn, how much have you had to drink?"

"Not enough," Princess Carolyn said, and she poured herself another drink.

 

*****

 

She had a meeting with a specialist, penciled in between a schmooze session with a studio executive and a test screening with one of her clients.

"So your problem isn't getting pregnant, it's staying pregnant!" the doctor chirped. Literally chirped, because her doctor was a pigeon or some other really annoying bird. Princess Carolyn leaned forward.

"So what do we gotta do, doc? In vitro fertilization?"

"Well first we need to do something called a hypercoagulable work-up, because the reason you keep miscarrying could be that your blood keeps clotting."

"Uh huh," Princess Carolyn said. 

"The other thing is you might want to consider a chromosomal karyotype. Because while you may present normally on the outside, you might have an abnormality, like a balanced translocation."

"A whos-a what now?"

The doctor pulled out a spiral binder with plastic pages to show her: "See, this is a normal karyotype, 46-XX, so 23 pairs for a girl. In a few lucky people an arm may break off from here," and she pointed to a black blob that looked like a 4-legged starfish, which Princess Carolyn assumed was probably normal, "and be translocated somewhere else, like here," and she drew a circle to another starfish, elongated one of its arms. "That would be a balanced translocation. You have all the right genetic material, but not all of it is in the right place."

"So what do we do, doc? Is there any way to fix a balanced translocation?" Princes Carolyn asked. The doctor ruffled her feathers.

"Well no, but we can get you and your partner tested so we can implant a normal fetus. Are you bringing your partner next time, or...?"

"There's no partner," Princess Carolyn said. "He's already out of the picture."

 

*****

 

That night, Princess Carolyn had nightmares of decapitated starfish.

"You look like shit," Bojack said, and Princess Carolyn waved her hand, tossing down a swig of vodka and popping another motrin. 

She was starting to cramp. She was spotting and had a dull pain in her lower abdomen, and felt like she was starting to get a fever.

"Maybe you should go back to the doctor," Todd said.

Princess Carolyn didn't have time for doctors. She had an East Coast conference call and another late afternoon meeting. She wished the spotting were at least a little heavier, because then at least she could use tampons instead of shuffling to the bathroom constantly changing panty liners.

 

*****

 

There was something broken inside her.

"How many times have you been pregnant?" the nurse at the office chirped. Another bird. Another one of the annoying ones.

"Five," Princess Carolyn said. 

"Any living children?"

"Nope."

The nurse took her vitals, nattering cheerfully. "It's no wonder you're busy, with so many children!"

"I said I don't have any children." Princess Carolyn tried to read her name badge. The doctor knocked on the door.

"So we have a little 'oopsy,'" the doctor began.

"'Oopsy'?" Princess Carolyn said.

"Well it looks like we actually didn't get out all the fetal tissue. That's why you're still spotting and having a fever."

"Wha- you mean? You mean it's still inside me?!"

"We'll have to do another D&E, but depending on the contents we may have to convert it into a D&C...."

"Wait, D and C? C-D-F? What are all these abbreviations? Aren't you going to get it out of me?"

"You're getting hysterical." The doctor flexed his blow hole. "I can prescribe something for your anxiety."

"What? Hysterical? I'm not hysterical! I'm fucking pissed! You left my dead baby inside of me!"

"Miss Carolyn--"

" _Princess_ Carolyn," Princess Carolyn said. "And believe me when I say you'll be hearing from my lawyers!"

 

*****

 

The lawyers didn't do anything.

No harm, no foul. Princess Carolyn lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Apparently this was a common outcome for a common procedure.

The sky was growing dark. There had been a drought this season but today it looked like it was going to rain. 

At 7 PM, her actor clients were going on dates and soul suckers like Rutabaga were going to their families. Princess Carolyn once again was going home alone.

"Yo Princess Carolyn," Todd said. He was eating cereal over her sink. "Have you ever eaten peanut butter with cheerios?"

"I don't eat cereal Todd. I can't drink milk because I'm a cat."

"I've got organic vanilla soy," Todd said enticingly, and he shook the carton.

Princess Carolyn set down her keys and sighed, tired.

"Okay, Todd," Princess Carolyn said, and she sat across from him. 

"Pour me a bowl of that stupid cereal."


End file.
